So for so long I have been fighting "growing old"....I have watched my mom and my step dad deteriorate into dementia and develop other "aging" diseases...it is sad to watch this, not for my mom, I don't give a shit about her, but my step dad also now has dementia and that is hard for me....
I am realizing that at 62, I am no longer a young and vibrant woman. I am literally an old "Crone"...which is not a bad thing, as Crones are older women who have experienced life, survived, and now has wisdom...
My body is 62 years old. I have multiple brain tumors, and DID and reactive hypoglycemia...my physical health is going downhill. I am slower to move around, more cautious of falling and sleeping more, naps, etc...
I have decided to embrace senior adulthood. I have put away my youthful way of thinking, I have even made the decision to stop coloring my hair. I am going to embrace my gray hair. Yesterday at the salon, I told my hairdresser as much. She has helped me start my journey to a head of long gray hair. I now have gray highlights' and over time, my natural gray will take over those highlights.
I am not sure how Kevin feels about this...he liked my blonde hair, but it is just too fucking expensive to have my hair done every 5 weeks...now I will go every two months until my gray is completely grown out, then my visits will be just for hair trims...When I got home yesterday and Kevin saw me, he did not say a word about my gray hair until I mentioned it....translated: he is not thrilled with having a partner look like an old lady...haha
but that is what I am, an old lady....I am keeping my hair long, but embracing the gray....I guess that means one of my feet is closer to the grave...
This has actually been a very hard decision for me. I was raised to always look my best, because first impressions are lasting impressions. I am from a family where looks, and materialism was emphasized all the time. Look your best, buy the best, put your best foot forward... hide the ugliness...
Well I am done "hiding" the ugliness....I am ugly, I am poor, and I am now gray....Take that family!
If my family ever sees me again, they will be shocked at how I look now, especially the gray hair...I will probably be judged, as always...
People tell me over and over how "beautiful" I am...and I always reject those types of comments. I am not beautiful at all, I just dyed my hair, artfully used make up, and I am skinny...all the things that "society" calls beautiful. NOW, I am letting my hair grow gray...I rarely use make up and I don't even dress in "nice" clothes anymore....mostly sweat pants or jeans and t-shirts....
Just call me "Gray Sparrow"
S
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