Will and Harper

 OMG,  my anxiety is getting so bad...I am literally breaking out in hives, all over my body...my feet, my back, my arms, this is stupid....

I know it is nerves, because I have not had any new, detergent, clothing, lotion, everything I do to my body is exactly the same...there is no reason for the hives.  NONE

Except my nerves.

This situation with my neighbor,  the storms, my family, the presidential election, the war in the middle east has me so anxious and nervous and frankly, scared.  

My nerves are shot.....even my dreams are filled with gloom and doom.....I try not to watch too much TV, but focus on regular shows and Netflix, watching old TV comedy shows, movies, anything that distracts from reality.

I watched a movie on Netflix called "Will and Harper"...this is a movie that shows the struggles of trans people...with Will Ferrell taking a cross country trip with his best friend for over 30 years that during the pandemic transitioned to a female....this is a raw, uncensored look at Wills questions, his support and his love for the person, not the cover.....I cried for most of the movie, even though I am not trans, the things Harper said, the way he felt all his life, the ridicule, the embarrassment and trying to hide his real real self, getting married, having kids, putting up a facade, living a lie.....Harper even said "she felt like a monster"....

That is exactly what it has been like for me, revealing my DID, trying to be normal, being ridiculed, abandoned, mocked, called liar...I have also referred to myself over and over as a "monster"....I related so much to the struggles of Harper, especially transitioning in his late 50's....

I thought about that movie all night....I really did not know much about trans people...I have no problem with them, live and let live, is my moto...but,  I never understood how they felt growing up, the struggles, especially mental struggles...

I hope that every single person in America and the fucking world, watches this movie.....I am not a Will Ferrell fan,  not his movies or anything, but the Will on this documentary, is not the Will you see on the screen....and my opinion of him as vastly changed....

In my life,  Kevin is my Will.   He accepted my DID, asked questions, and has done everything to try and understand just how my disorder started...he has supported me when he should have walked away...He has never doubted me,  he has asked me hard questions...we even did some Youtube Videos, but those videos I have taken down....my DID story isn't important....

But the abuse and shattering assaults to my mind and body by people who have never and will never be held accountable, that is the story of DID....the focus should never be on the victim...It should be squarely put on the shoulders of the abusers...but that will never never happen....

It is not my fault what happened to create my DID.

Harper just did not wake up in his 50's and decided on a whim to transition to a women...he knew from like 5 years old, that in his mind he was a girl, trapped in a boys body...and he suffered so much mentally...as a female, he still suffered such depression, that he thought of suicide, often.   

That is me.

That is me.

Thank you Will and Harper for your very real and moving story....Harper, you are a fucking rockstar!

S