Sunday, October 13, 2024

Rainbow Ridge

 I really do not have any close friendships except with two people...and those two people mean so fucking much to me...when they are hurting, I hurt...

One of my friends, lost her brother suddenly this past week, then last night her precious dog died in his sleep...

I know the heart wrenching feeling of losing a pet, I have had to put many dogs down and have also had dogs pass away in their sleep...either way, it is a gut punch.  It is a loss, no matter the circumstance...and coupled with her losing her brother...her heart must be so fucking broken right now...

I wish I could be closer to her, to help her, support her and encourage her...but I am stuck literally over a 1000 miles away....what good is a friendship when our hands are tied because of distance??

Is texting and talking on phone and instant messenger, enough?  I feel so much like a failure as a friend, I know that is not a real thing, but I still feel it...I am the kind of person that needs to help others in a tangible way...not any of those fucking stupid pat answers "thoughts and prayers"....I want to clean her house,  do anything to help her get through her day as she wrestles with the weight of her loss...

but my hands are tied.....I want to untie them and wrap them around her and cry with her, I want to just be her loving friend, supportive and physically present...and I can't....I feel helpless to do anything...

Just like with the hurricanes, and all that...that feeling of helplessness is overwhelming, and things just keep piling up....its one thing when things tragic happen to people and places that I don't know and have never been too....its another thing, when tragedy happens to someone I love....

The empath in me, feels their pain, deep in my heart and gut...I want to take all her hurt and pain away...or at least "stand in the gap" for her and absorb some of her sadness and despair...

I know that she is so tired, so emotionally drained, so goddamn sad and I KNOW THAT FEELING, I KNOW IT WELL AND INTIMATELY .and I hate for anyone to feel this, let alone someone that I care deeply for..

She will always be in my thoughts,  but I will search for more that I can do for her, and her family.

I do know that her dog, will be with all my dogs that have "crossed over the rainbow bridge" and they will be free and healthy and running and playing...but it still hurts and it always will.....

S

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