Russian Roulette

 So geez...will the hits ever stop coming?  

My dad has three times been convinced that he is going to die by blowing up...he has went to the emergency room 3 times in as many weeks...

He has called the police....John blocked him at the front door from leaving, when he was in a "I am going to die" state of mind...

My dad is going downhill quick.   He is becoming even too much of a "problem" for even John, and of course, David is not helping much...he is helping some now, but not by much...

I told John that it is probably time to put dad in a dementia facility, like with my mom...but the cost of that is incredible...already my moms bill for the facility is 7,000 a month, if my dad goes in, that is at least 14,000 a month total...he does not have enough money to pay that for an extended amount of time...what happens when the money runs out?  Does the facility kick both him and my mother out??? How does that work, who will then be responsible for their rent?

Will that be John, the Power of Attorney? Or will that fall on us kids?  I will not pay to help them, I am on a very fixed budget and retired....I spent over 30 years taking care of my parents while my siblings skating on with their  lives...They both have jobs and an income, I do not.  So I will not contribute to my parents cost of living if they are both put "away"...

And why should I be responsible to them anyway????  They treated me horribly, took advantage of my silence and used me for their gain and benefit....I am sorry and I hate what is happening to them, getting old is not easy....but fuck, I am getting old too, and I need to save what money I have, to pay my own medical bills, because my family would never help me financially if I really needed it....tit for tat, I guess....

On another note, I have firmly decided to keep my opinions about food and unhealthy behavior to myself....if the people I love, don't love themselves enough to see what they are doing to their own body, then it is not on me to "nag" them....If they are choosing to kill themselves with fake food and all that, then "its their choice"....

I am accepting that when that blatant disregard for their health finally catches up with them and they die of some horrible illness or cancer,  I will be all alone in the world...alone because I refuse to kill myself with fake food...so I will probably live to be 100, yet solidly alone...an old woman.

I am only 20 yrs younger than my parents...20 years, time flies by and that scares me, because I am petrified of ending up like my mother.  I am petrified of being old and alone...

Every alarm I sound about nutrition, its all science based...science has proven that fast food, pre packaged and instant food, sugary treats, etc...is extremely harmful to the body...science has backed up every FUCKING THING I have been pleading to my loved ones about...and the one person I love in the entire world, who bases everything off science and math, still refuses to accept the science of his shit ass diet....it is like he is "daring" his body....."I have eaten this way all my life, and I am good"....doesn't matter that as we age our body does not break down and get rid of crap, our metabolism slows down, our immunity system slows down, and all those years of crap eating and smoking will catch up to you, like a fucking tornado....even with ALL THE FACTS ABOUT NUTRITION, to some people, it is like "Do as I say, not as I do..." the hypocritical scientist....like in the old days when your family physician was a smoker....same damn thing...

Again, I have no voice...I don't know what the fuck I am talking about...I am insignificant and only worthy by the deeds I physically do, not the wisdom and knowledge that comes out of my mouth...

I am no longer going to have an opinion about anything, except Donald Trump! haha

I will take care of myself, and try and be as healthy as I can be...I can control what I put into my body, I cannot control others, so if they want to play "Russian Roulette" with their bodies...go for it.

I am out.

S