Happy Birthday Gagey

 Today is September 3rd.  My dead grandsons birthday, he would be 14 this year, if he had lived.

He died on September 1, 2019.  He was diagnosed with Chordoma (an aggressive tumor at the base of his neck on his spine.  Chordomas grow and eventually decapitate or sever the spinal cord, resulting in death.

Gage was diagnosed and only 5 wks later after being diagnosed, he was dead.  Just like that....Saint Judes research hospital said that there was nothing they could do for him...he was too far gone for surgery, radiation or chemo....the tumor was too involved.

So how does that happen?  What were the signs?

For Gage, about a year or so before his death, he started complaining that his neck hurt and that clothes hurt him to wear, so he would not wear shirts....his parents thought this was just a phase, but when it continued, they took him to a counselor to deal with this mental whatever....

When he would act out, probably because of pain..he was punished and treated horribly...I saw this first hand, and had a talk with my son about his heavy handed way in punishment...but I had no clue, like everyone else that Gage was sick.

If his parents had taken him to the doctor from the very start of Gageys "weird" behavior and obsession for not wearing clothes, and his complaining that his neck hurt, the tumor may have been diagnosed early enough for treatment.

However, early detection of a Chordoma in a small child, can be treated, but the tumors always come back...so it would have been years of tumor surgery and debt and pain for Gage....and he may have had another 10 or more years at best of life before the tumor could not be managed.   Chordomas kill,  usually people with Chordomas caught early only life into their late teens or early 20s before succumbing to their death from Chordoma.

Would that have been a good life for Gagey...??? Years of suffering, pain, chemo, surgeries, just to die anyway?   I don't know....

All I know is the universe took my grandson...I believe that him dying so soon, even though at an early age, maybe it was better that way...he died peacefully in his sleep...

From what I have read,  Chordomas are the result of a certain gene that the mother or father carries, it is rare, but it does happen....I asked my son if he was going to have his other three children checked for that gene...he said yes...but I believe they, him and his stupid wife, decided to not have the other kids tested, because they just flat did not want to know...

I kinda get that...but at the same time, I feel they should test their other kids, especially the two boys they have left, Chordoma tends to run in males over females...

I went yesterday to Gageys tree...a White Oak, we planted at a park, at the exact time Gagey was being buried in Oklahoma..The tree is struggling to thrive, just like Gagey struggled to live.I did not go to his funeral...I could not go, I could not be around Deedra, I would have fucking killed her for the way she treated me and even Gagey in the hospital...she made his whole sickness and death about her...the fucking bitch...so I left 2 days before he died.

The last thing I said to GAgey was "I love you baby, sleep well and sweet dreams"...he told me he loved me too.  His last words to me were "I love you too memaw".....

A week or so before his death, I had him write his name on a piece of paper...then I went and got his signature tattooed on my leg with 2 hearts around it...I came back to the hospital and showed Gagey.

I remember him smiling, tracing his name on my leg with his finger, and saying "that is so cool"...

I miss him so much, I miss the young man he would have been...his cousin, Kingston is only a month older than him, and Kingston is turning 14 in October.  Kingston and Gagey were so tight, they were best friends...as I watch Kingston grow up, I am reminded that Gagey will never grow up, and that is a double edged sword.   I love Kingston with all my heart, but him getting older and thriving only reminds me that Gagey is not...and that is so sad...it breaks my heart.

So Happy Birthday Gage.  You are so missed...wherever you are, I will see you soon..our souls will come together..I know that you are at peace, you have no more pain, and that is reassuring.

Fly young man fly....

S

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ally misses him too, they played together all the time when no one was watching.

Tessa

-7