childless....

 So about 2 weeks ago, I poured my heart out to my daughter.  I told her about my past abuse as a child, the sex trafficking I endured, the lies of my parents, the "real" reason I left her dad...I told her everything...

Then she ghosted me...I finally, yesterday asked her in a text (because she refuses to talk on the phone, or let me fly her here to talk) why she is ghosting me...she responded in a fashion that left me speechless....

She said she was so sorry all that happened to me.  thats it....no questions, no interest in wanting to know more, no interest in the fact that I tried to kill myself, and completely ignored me as to why I did not feel "safe" in Oklahoma....

She went on to rant about her life...how busy she was, how hard her life it.....she turned everything around to be about her.....she does not care or give a rats ass to my mental status...

I am devastated.   I thought she of all my kids, a woman who has been married and divorced twice, a woman who was in a very abusive relationship, a woman whose X husband has stalked her and is now in jail for drug and physical abuse convictions...I thought she would have more empathy for me, and that our shared experiences would bring us closer together....

BOY WAS I WRONG....we are further apart now than ever....

Where did I go wrong?  My kids had the best upbringing...my husband and I were very involved in their life...they lacked nothing, they were loved, adored and cherished, clothed, fed, housed, etc...

I feel like a total failure....a colossal idiot for ever speaking my truth...because no one in my family believes, wants to accept, or even acknowledge my truth...they want to sweep it under the rug and pretend it did not happen...I don't matter, its all about them...

How did my kids end up acting like "entitled brats?"  the fuck??????

My whole life growing up, I wanted to have children, I wanted to give my kids the life I did not get to have, and I did....but for what?  To be rejected and ignored by the very people I raised and loved and did everything for?

Today, I wish I was a childless cat lady...then at least I would not have to deal with the heartache of my kids treating me like nothing more than a means to an end....How much more can I take?  When is heartache too much?

I am beyond sad, the rejection I feel is overwhelming....I don't know what to do, what to say, my life is in shambles, when it comes to my family....I only have one person who has my back..and that is Kevin.  I have a few friends that try and have my back, but they simply cannot comprehend what my heart is going through....the only ones that can, are parents who have been treated the same way by their own kids...anything else is just sympathetic feelings....again, only Kevin has experienced rejection for no fucking reason by two of his kids...he gets it....I feel like Kevin and I are an island...

I am thinking of rewriting my will and taking my kids out of it...they don't deserve anything from me...

S