chaos in Oklahoma

 So it has been 5 days since I "spilled my guts" to my daughter.  I have not heard from her at all....

I realize that was alot of information I gave her and that she has to process all of it.   But how long does it take to process what I told her?  It happened to me, long ago and is not currently going on, so how long does she have to think about this?

Does she even believe me?  Has she "fallen out of love" for me?  Does she think I am a liar?  Why hasn't she asked me questions?  

So I am still getting the silent treatment....

On another note,  my dad had another "episode" and was taken to the hospital...he thought he was having a heart attack,  he was not.  But the blood work showed "elevated enzymes"  which may mean he has a heart blockage....3 yrs ago he had open heart surgery for just that, clogged arteries.  He is 82 years old, he does not have a good diet, he takes all types of medications, of course his enzyme level might be elevated, but it does not mean he is having a heart attack...what he had was an "anxiety" attack, which can feel like a heart attack....

He is not on any anti-anxiety meds...he was...but John took him off everything but blood pressure meds and a med for his dizziness from allergies.  That is it....Well no fucking wonder he had an anxiety attack, he is no longer on meds to help with that....

Here is my opinion, and I may be totally off base, but here it is:

My dad wants to die.  He wants the doctors to tell him he has "Alzheimer's, or whatever", it gives him a tangible excuse to feel sorry for himself....an excuse to give up on life....I think he "goes to the emergency room" so much, because he wants something to be terribly wrong with him physically so he can have an excuse  to die or act out....which is what I am thinking he is doing...acting out...

He gets more attention being in a hospital, or emergency room, or doctors office...when he is at Johns house, doing well, he gets no attention and he is lonely.  My brother does not visit him, even though he actually lives blocks away from John house, but he never has the "time" to visit or help John with dad, his dad for gods sake....he can't be bothered...

Me and Suzy live thousands of miles away, and it takes great effort and lots of money and planning and time to get to Oklahoma, but fucking David only lives blocks away...in the same fucking neighborhood...no planning needed, no money needed, fuck...he could walk to Johns house...

David Patrick Rundberg Troutman is nothing but a bum...a lousy excuse for a son, a coward who does not even pay his child support, visit his daughters or grandson, he is a fucking sorry excuse for a brother, son, husband and father....I guess its the Rundberg genetics that make him such a loser, the apple does not fall far from the tree.....sad...

Jim Troutman is my 2nd step dad, he is not my father.  I had a father who died in 2007, we had a loving relationship and he was my FATHER.  Jim, is a good man.  He took care of me and loved me as if I was his own, despite my mothers disdain for me, he tried to do his best...I love him...but,  he is not my father.   He is David and Suzy's father, the only father they have ever known...they do not remember their birth father, he was out of the picture before even elementary school for them...I am the only one that remembers that fucking animal.

So for David to treat his father so atrociously and ignore him, is horrible...but its par for the course for the selfish, spoiled, entitled, sorry excuse for a son, dead beat dad, "golden child".  What a fucking loser he is....I am so sad that my dad, Jim, has come to this realization as well...and I know that must break his heart...no wonder he is struggling...

"when John told me that I needed to come back home and take care of my dad",  I realized that "no I do not...my dad has a son right there, so I do not need to come back."  If I went back then David would never have to do anything in regards to his dad and I will not let him win...me coming back would be a victory for David.....I will not let him win.  I am not going back to Oklahoma.

The chaos in Oklahoma since I left, is proof that "I was doing everything to keep the family together", it was me, all me....and since I left, all that togetherness was gone....they don't know what to do without me...fuck that shit...Its time for all of them to grow up and take the baton...I am done....

My dad is not my responsibility...Its David and Suzys, period dot the end....

So with all that fucking shit going on, and my daughter not responding to me,  is telling about the state of my family...which I am coming to realize, was not my FAMILY at all....

AND to add insult to injury, my bank froze my debit card, because someone tried to use it to buy of all things something for spearfishing...the fuck?  There was a data breach with ATT and a medical center, and my information was released...this is someone who somehow obtained my credit card debit card and tried to use it....so now I have to have another new card sent to me, which they said would take 7-10 business days...so, I cannot use my debit card....This is infuriating to me....fuck, it never fucking ends.....

S

they were never a family to her they used her and controled her so they could get what they wanted I am glad she is gone from there.-7