suffering in silence

 So Kevin and I ended up going to Jeep Night at the pub in Lynchburg.  We had a very fun time...I love being around other Jeepers (even though most are Trump fans) but politics is not spoken about at these events...some of the Jeeps had Trump flags on them but that is all...which is nice, because not ALL Jeepers are Maga, but we are all Jeepers.

I took 800 mg of Ibuprofen before we left so I wouldn't have as much pain, from the bruised ribs...so I felt pretty good, even danced some...the weather was perfect and we had such a fantastic time.

But, today, two days after the event, I am in so much pain, omg.....I hurt to breathe, twist my body or even fucking walk....I am starting to wonder if I in fact, cracked or even broke a rib...I am even thinking about getting an Xray done, but even if a rib is cracked or broken, there is not a damn thing they can do, but wrap me up and give me pain meds.....well I can wrap myself, and no thank you on the pain pills....and no thank you on the ginormous medical bill from getting an Xray.

I talked with my dad, he was very lucid and sounded like "his old self"...I am hoping the anti-depressant's are starting to work...I told him about my "accident" and hurt ribs...he did not say a word...no "how are you feeling now", no "did you go to the doctor", no, "take it easy and be careful", no nothing.....and that is how my family is.

When I am hurt or sick or even in the hospital, not one of my family members will follow up on me....there will be no mention of what is going on, no concern for my health or well being....but if one of them is in that position, I am expected to "take care of them"....really, truth be told, my family could care less if I am alive or dead...seriously, that is how I feel.

It is sad when the only people who actually check up on me, are Kevin and a couple of Facebook friends....how sad....I can count on three fucking fingers, who actually cares about me....and no one in my family is one of those fingers.

It is always, "what I can do for them"...never "what they can do for me"....fuck

So today, I am going to wrap my ribs cage with an ace bandage, take some ibuprofen and suffer in silence.   Suffering in silence is something I am an expert with....and that is sad...I have had to suffer in silence my entire life...even when I was a little girl, I broke my wrist falling out of a tree, and went two weeks before my mom finally got tired of me whining and took me to the doctor...2 fucking weeks!  I would have took my child that fucking day!  I had a fucking broken wrist and my own mother didn't give a shit....

I am stopping here, so I don't fall off a cliff with fucked up memories....

I hurt, and I am tired of hurting and being hurt, physically, mentally, emotionally and psychologically....I am just fucking tired.

S