Irrelevant

 Why is it that I am shut up?

Why is it that my voice does not matter?  

Why do abusers get to skate off and live happily ever after, and the victim is persecuted?

All my life, I have been screaming out for someone to listen to me...but I am only shut down.

My abusers are now dead, incarcerated or old with dementia and bad health...If I confront them now, I will be looked upon as "uncaring, cold and callus."  How dare I accuse my mother or whoever for abuse when they are so old and feeble.  How selfish of me to open my mouth.

Why am I forced to "shut up" and just get on with my life.  I will tell you why, I am irrelevant.  I don't mean a damn thing to anybody...especially family, who have continuously condemned me and refuse to believe most of what I say about my abuse as a child..They also refuse to believe I have DID...

The vidoes we use to make, gave me a voice, even though my abusers do not see my videos, I can still speak up and not hide...

But now,   my voice is being shut down again...and this hurts me so much, I cannot even tell you....I guess I am irrelevant, I guess the abuse, was irrelevant, the now mental condition I have, is irrelevant...

I am fucking screaming and nobody hears me, nobody cares, and nobody listens...

I literally have no fucking life...nothing important...everyone else can speak up about their experiences, cancer, death, jobs, hardships, illness, etc...but when I speak up about DID...I am shut down.

It is a fucking sad day when mental conditions are poo-pooed and shoved under the rug or "denied"...

Then you wonder why there are so many suicides.  

S