fucking nightmare.....

 I don't know where to begin with this blog...

My dad had a doctors appointment.  As I mentioned in the previous blog, he is very depressed he doesn't want to live anymore, he is not suicidal, just 81 yrs old, tired and weary.

I have been screaming to everyone who would listen that all my dad needs is some anti-depressants, and anti-anxiety meds...he needs someone, objective to talk with...

At his appointment, he told the doctor he was tired of living....so what did this fucking quack of a doctor do?  He puts my dad in a mental hospital.   

I have been in a mental hospital...do you know what that is like?  You are stripped of everything, no phone, no visitors...you are fucking alone in a place full of people who have vastly different mental health issues.....you are lumped in with them and medicated like them...I was given meds for fucking schizophrenia!  I was given drugs until I was a pliable zombie....what was really going on inside of me was not addressed...I have DID and those fucking educated doctors had no clue and assumed I had this or that.....

Now, my dad, at 81, a man who was a pastor, a police officer, a career military man, a US Marshal, a Judge, has now been stripped of "who he is" and lumped in with everyone else.....I am horrified for him....he has been cut off from all he knows, all his comfort, his only link to familiarity....he is now a prisoner of the state of Oklahoma, just as I was...all because he was honest and told the doctor he was tired of living.....he did not say I WANT TO END MY LIFE.  Haven't we all thought or even said, I am so tired of living, so tired of this shit...its a normal reaction to trauma....BUT IT IS SO MUCH FUCKING EASIER TO LOCK SOMEONE UP THAN TO ACTUALLY TRY AND GET TO THE CORE ISSUE...

I HATE THE MEDICAL ESTABLISHMENT, THEY ARE A BUNCH OF QUACKS WITH DEGREES.

Then you wonder why so many people have mental health issues and go untreated until they snap...

I had a dream last night, about when I was locked up...I had a dream of a doctor coming into my ward, up to my bed...when I saw his face, it was my abusers face...my abuser was now my doctor in my dreams...HOW HORRIFIC IS THAT.

ABUSERS GET AWAY WITH THEIR ABUSE, THEY ARE NOT HELD ACCOUNTABLE AND THEY CONTINUE TO ABUSE US, IN OUR DREAMS AND MEMORIES...WE ARE NEVER FREE...NEVER

My heart is aching for my dad, I cannot call him, he cannot call me....its horrific.  He is completely in isolation.  This is only going to make matters worse for him.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

s. 

Sophee