Rubble

 This past couple of weeks have been a very rough emotional ride.  I don't know if its the shift of the atmosphere, the eclipse or what, but I do know that my empath tendencies have been on high alert.

I am super sensitive, and being sensitive, that has made me very combative as well.  

I have been picking up on others vibes...other humans and the others in my head.  It is very difficult to navigate truth, when my head is screaming 7 different analogies...I cannot absorb all the conflicting thoughts and emotions, so I vomit it all out.

Kevin is constantly have to clean all my vomit off him.   He is the only person I can truly vent to, scream at, fight with and abuse verbally.  In reality, the man that deserves this venting is my husband John.  Not Kevin, but John is not here and Kevin is....

I fucking try so goddamn hard to control my feelings of resentment, anger, sadness, confusion, frustration and desires...but I can only do that for so long, then I explode....all of me/us explode...and the explosion is spectacular!

I have been concentrating on my jeep, my critters, and myself...I am trying to be a better person, woman, mom, lover and friend.   I try so fucking hard to "do no harm" to anyone or anything, but that does not extend to myself...I harm myself in every way possible.   And its pathetic.

I am pathetic....I sabotage myself....all the fucking time...I set myself up for failure over and over and over....I expect too much of myself...too much of others...and this expectation leads to defeat, every damn time.

So, anyways I am trying to pull my head out of my ass....and I am trying to get my foot out of my mouth....

I have been reduced to rubble, so now I have to once again, rebuild.  FUCK

S