DCD

 As if my life was not the shits already....I have been diagnosed with degenerative disc disease...my spinal chord is breaking down...this has been why I have been in so much fucking pain for the last couple of months....

I couldn't take the pain anymore and had some X rays done....usually the results I can view in my Patient Portal...but, when I went there to check my results, it said to contact my healthcare provider concerning these images....

I knew right then, something was up....I had to wait fucking all weekend for my doctor to finally call yesterday (Monday).  He gave me the fucking wonderful news that my spinal chord is fucked.  I also probably have a bulging disc in my neck to boot.

Why do I have this?  Its because of years and years of gymnastics, forcing my body into unnatural positions, and the stress of impact on mats and such from tumbling....gymnastics fucked up my spine.

I wish I had known then what tumbling would do to my body in the long run, I would never have pursued gymnastics....

DCD is sports related most of the time.  Professional athletes, armature athletes, and regular people, set themselves up for "old age bone issues" because of sports....

Geez, I cannot fucking believe I have to deal with this shit.

Am I going to end up in a wheel chair?   There are no surgeries to fix it, no medications to take to heal it....my life now, will be muscle relaxers, NSAIDS, and chiropractor visits....it will be walking on egg shells for every damn thing...does it also mean, no more trail riding???

I finally found something I truly enjoy, my Jeep....only for it to be yanked away from me, like everything else in my life...I finally am free to do what I want, when I want, and how I want...only for that to be like "haha, just kidding"...my body is now my prison.

Kevin did not ask for this.  He already deals with his own foot issue, he deals with my DID, my brain tumors, his 11 yr old son...now, he is going to have to deal with even more shit from me....omg...he is turning into a nurse maid...

Not fair to him.....my body is is breaking down, deteriorating at a rapid pace.  This is old age.  This is the repercussions of stupid decisions about my body...gymnastics was a colossal mistake for me....even though it brought me pride in the fact that I could do something better than most people,  in the end, gymnastics was Karma.   Now I am suffering...fuck fuck fuck

It seems every damn choice I have made throughout my life, is now affecting my old age life....actions have consequences....competitive gymnastics ruins your body...pure and simple.

I am so thankful that none of my kids did competitive sports, and did not pursue a sports related profession....but now I worry about my daughter and her weight lifting and training...is she setting herself up for the same disease that I am now dealing with???

sigh, another banner day for Sparrow.

S