merchandise

 Yesterday was my "wedding anniversary".  I am legally separated from my husband for the last 6 yrs, but we are still legally married.   So yesterday was my 40th wedding anniversary.

I cannot believe that I have spent 40 years in prison.  What was my crime?

My crime was ignorance.  I had no ideal that getting married to John would be a life sentence in prison.  I am talking about psychological and religious prison, where I was forced to believe and act a certain way.   I was forced to go along with my husbands authoritarian beliefs.   

I was taken care of physically, but emotionally and all the other ways I was constantly tortured and manipulated by a man who believes that GOD is the ruler of this world.   

A man who would not "listen" to me when I was confused, scared or remembering past abuses.  I was always told "look to god, pray about it, and god will answer your prayers and take care of you."  only god did not.  All god did was shut my mouth and force me to continue to live in this brainwashing atmosphere.

I was finally able to break out of prison and leave....but I could not leave with a divorce and to this day, my husband continues to tell me he loves me, dreams about me and thinks about me all the time...and he is praying that god will return me (his merchandise) back to him.

I am nothing but merchandise to him.  A means to an end....a tool.

He has turned my kids against me, telling them I "left for another man", which is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo fucking not true.  I left because of him, and I discovered that I could have a life, my way....and this is making him crazy with jealousy and "righteous" anger.  John failed his marriage, not me.

The fault is entirely his and his gods issue....I am free except for the lifetime parole I have to deal with....

40 years of my 61 years,  in captivity....sigh

S