Names

 So yesterday a thought came to me.

Why did my mother take 3 days to name me....

She once told me that if she could have gotten an abortion (while pregnant with me) she would have.  Instead she fled VA and went to Clovis NM to give birth to me.  My father was in VA...as was her new lover, (my future step monster dad).

Did she have the intention of giving me up for adoption then?  I mean when a parent becomes pregnant, she or they start thinking of names for a boy or a girl...at least I did each time I was pregnant....but not my mom.  

She did not have a name for me, whether a boy or a girl...why??

I guess the matter of adoption, was scrapped and at the 11th hour, she had to find a name for me, since she was keeping me...so she flipped through a magazine by her hospital bedside, saw the name Melissa Lou..and went with that.  No thought what so ever about the name that would be me for my life....

If she decided to keep me, then why?  What changed her mind?  Her sister in Clovis?  My bio father in VA?  this is a question that I will never get answered.  Its just another big ??? for me to have to live with.

These are all the names I have bone by since birth:

Melissa Lou Trammell

Melissa Lou Rundberg (Missy)

Melissa Anne Troutman (Missy)

Melissa Anne Krupovage

Sparrow Krupovage.....

Sparrow.

I don't want to be known as a Krupovage, I kept that name because of my kids and grandsons...I am still a part of them...but today I prefer to just be called "Sparrow".

I changed my name to a name I love, that identifies who I am...I am a little bird, flying from the nest to be free...Fly fly away...SPARROW.

Out of all the names I have ever had, Sparrow is who I am.  Who I was meant to be...

S