Safe from me

 We tried to do a video yesterday, a continuation of the "relationship" series.  The topic was going to be about texting and blogging and instant messaging.  

When I, Sparrow, am upset or angry, I will send a text to Kevin...but the text will not only say "what sparrow wants to say", but my alters will contribute to the conversation, and most times they do not sign their names, so everything written out is perceived to be from me, Sparrow.

When in fact, it may be multiple alters saying their piece, or giving their opinions,  they now feel like they have the freedom to do and say whatever they want...

This causes Kevin to get angry, it embarrasses me and frustrates me to no end...They, the alters, have no fucking right "hurting" someone with their words.   Kevin gets angry, because they can be downright mean...AND HE HAS NEVER GIVEN THEM A REASON TO BE MEAN TO HIM.

I am now paranoid to text or speak with anyone, unless it is a very generic post.  I cannot talk to anyone about "how I feel", or "what is going on around me" or anything, because then my heart will get upset and out will pop 7, to sabotage my conversations so I will not have to deal with being hurt......because any friend, or close friend I have ever had, has left me....now I know why...its because of the fucking alters.

Before when I would lose friends, I just told myself, "well they really weren't that good of friends to begin with" so I would just blow off their leaving me, as okay.   

But now I know the real reason I don't have friends...its because of them....the alters...they DO NOT WANT ME TO HAVE ANY FRIENDS.

So be it.  I am removing myself from ever even trying to make friends.  I will just be an acquaintance only.  I am pulling back, and I am doing this to save them the heart ache of my alters pissing them off...it will save them the "confusion", why would she say that?  Why would she do that?...if I do not have any friends to actually talk real talk, too, then they are safe...safe from the monster that I am...

And, I am safe from having to apologize, explain, or make it better.

S