Incompatible

 It seems that every time I open my mouth, to either say something, offer some advice, gripe or remind anybody of something, or offer my opinion, I am shot down.

I am pissing off everyone.  Kevin and I cannot even talk anymore.  Every time I open my mouth, there is a fucking argument or he gets defensive.

I will tell him something, explain something to him...he does not listen..he only hears what he "thinks" he hears.  

I try and make life easier for him, teaching him about memory hacks or easier way to do things, and he refuses.  He can move mountains and do things for me to help my life be easier, but when it comes to me helping him, fucking forget about it.

Then when I get upset because of something I said, and have to remind him off...he gets defensive and starts throwing all kinds of excuses to me.  When in fact, the major issue is "he either does not literally hear me, or he is ignoring me"...He knows what is best, I don't know shit.  He is in denial that he fucking can't hear shit.

He asked me to help him with his finances, to get them in order, I did all I could do, but then I have to get involve with his finances and every time I brought up anything to do with his paying or not paying bills, he gets angry and mad at me....So, I no longer have anything to do with his money.

Second, he forgets everything...blame it on the gabapentin or old age, but he forgets.  I got him a little pocket notebook, to jot down things he wants or needs to do, or buy, every time he thinks of it...then to look at that little pocket notebook, in the day, to see what he needs to do or buy or whatever....He is suppose to keep it on him, like his wallet and cell phone...but, he put it in his car....does no fucking good in his car...

what is he going to run down to his car every time he needs to jot something down?  NO....but when I asked him about the notebook, he got all mad, stormed down to his car...stormed to the store, and completely made me feel like the villain, because I am trying to help him reduce his stress...he forgets shit all the time....

I mention something I need done or whatever,  and I will say "its not important, it can be done later", but he jumps up and starts doing whatever I need done...even after I say, its no hurry....this makes me feel guilty and that I am nagging.

Now I feel like a nagger and as soon as I snap my fingers he is suppose to jump...I DO NOT FEEL THAT WAY AT ALL...because I need help with something, does not mean I am nagging...

We are going down hill so fast, I am losing sight of the road.  We literally cannot talk anymore.  Even when I am talking, he is already in his head planning and thinking about his response, before I am even finished talking.  When I tell him a story or memory or something that is happening today or happened today...he is in his head already to gloss over what I said, for his day, his memories or his ideas.  He never comment's to me or remarks about what I just said or describe.

He has to one up everything I say....If I say "crunchy cereal is gross", he will say "my kids loved crunchy cereal"..."I like captain crunch"...or something like that...he will never say "why do you think crunchy cereal is gross"?   My conversation, will turn to his conversation, his ideals and theories and scientific reasoning as to why "crunchy cereal" is actually good...again, making me feel insignificant.

If I make a comment about something, he returns a comment that disqualifies my comment.  He lets me know that his intelligence is way more advanced than mine...he always wants to be a "teacher", he will even try and read to me out loud what I am already able to read...like instructions on a phone, ATM or anything like that...I mean, "I am not an idiot, I can read and understand some things"...but he is constantly being my "teacher, father, professor".  I feel like he thinks I am such an ignorant person, that my hand has to be held for everything.  

Maybe that is my fault.  There are so many things I cannot do, because of my size and stature, and my level of intelligence...and I have to ask for help, but he tries to do things even when I am not asking for help, he assumes I can do nothing and he has to help me do every thing and by doing that, he makes me feel like an idiot.

I miss him all day, when he is at work.  But then, when he is here, we just argue and give each other the silent treatment.  He might as well never come over.  As soon as I open my mouth, I am silenced by him.

I have learned one thing.  He is the man.  He is the smart one.  He is the one that is fucking perfect and can take care of himself.  He does not need me to help him remember things...He does not need my suggestions.  He does not need me to tell him to throw shit out, if he wants to keep and hoard every damn thing...then fine.  He does not need me to teach him how to dress or groom himself...He lived all these years without me telling him, he needs to shave or whatever...

Kevin has no need for a woman in his life.  He is self-sufficient.  He is the boss.  He can take care of his own shit.  No woman can be in his life, if that woman has an opinion about anything that might pertain to him.

I am so fucking sick of fighting with him all the time...we are simply not compatible.  I am not as fucking intelligent as him, so anything I say is gonna sound stupid and ignorant....I like things nice and in order, he likes chaos and mess...I like paying bills on time and in full, he likes robbing Peter to pay Paul....I like a clean smokefree car, he lives in his car and doesn't give a shit if its full of trash, ashes and cigarette butts.  I like to make plans, he likes to do whatever, he does not like to make plans.  I hate TV, he loves TV.   He is a procrastinator, I am definitely not one.   He loves Youtube, watching videos and playing with electronics...I hate all that.  I am very anal about turning off lights, and not wasting electricity..he could care a less if every light and appliance is on all day long....

We are just too different.   We will never make it.   I will either drive him away, or he will drive me away...