I am all over the place....thinking about the new bone tumors, and lesion, not to mention the other multiple meningeomas...
My pain is worse, I am dropping things at least 5-6 times a day. My ears will start ringing for no fucking reason...I am confused and frustrated almost all day long.
What is my future? Will I end up like my mother? Living in a nursing home with a fucked brain?
Kevin said he will be with me by my side through this....do I want him to be?
Maybe I should just go back to Oklahoma and let my family try and take care of me....I hate that Kevin is having to deal with this....he already deals with so much...and now this....
Do I want to see Kevin watch my mind deteriorate? Do I want Kevin to see me in so much pain and agony and confusion, and frustration. He will have to be babysitting me...do I want a fucking baby sitter??
Before I make any definite decisions about the course of the rest of my sorry life, I will see the Neurologist and get him to explain the results in actual human words, and not medical mumble jumble.
So I sit, and wait...hurry up and wait....fuck fuck fuck
S, 7
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