You just know...

 I know my body.  I know each pain and ache I have, I know my limitations and I know when something is wrong, not normal.

This new pain and pressure in my head, is not "normal", it is not like the "normal" pain that I have from the tumors...this is in a different location and it is more pressure, than anything...like someone is pushing my head down, and trying to push open the top of my head and break out....

It used to be every once in a while, I would have this new weird pain, which caused me to seek medical advice from my doctor.

I have had to go to the emergency room for the pain...I was treated like I was just having a migraine....I WAS NOT!!!!!  I know my fucking body, they don't....

I still have two fucking weeks before my MRI....

I know something is seriously wrong...is it a new tumor?  Is is a different tumor?  Something else?

I am already preparing for the worst.   Its just like before the initial tumor was diagnosed...I knew something was wrong...I kept telling the doctor "it hurts, my head hurts"...I was diagnosed, Sinus infection, migraines, stress, everything but what was really going on...

This is where I am at today...I know something is wrong...but doctors want to brush me off as being "hysterical"....my ears are ringing almost everyday...that is NOT normal for me.....

Also,  I am having horrible issues with my blood sugar levels...is it because of what ever is going on in my head?  Or is it just age...?

Am I just being a hypochondriac? 

I feel like the pain could lead to a stroke or aneurism, that is how fucking bad it hurts....

I am scared, I don't want to have more tumors...I want to live and enjoy my life...but, dying is a part of living...I have lived 61 years, maybe that is all the universe has for me...

S, Tessa