Thursday, July 13, 2023

mommy is suffering

 So we got the "mother" video up.  I watched it on my big TV and it is so fucking weird seeing myself on the screen...it is almost an "out of body" experience.

In the video, I mentioned that I hope that my mom is remembering all the horrible things that she has done and said, and that they torment her in her silence!  Just like I have been tormented in my silence for over 50 years....

Well yesterday I called my dad to see how he was doing.  He is beyond tired...mom is back home...her speech is back, but her mind is still all over the place...my dad said that she will be fine one minute, then the next, she is screaming and yelling and cussing and telling him everything bad thing that had happened to her in her life...he said "I know she is just out of her mind and saying weird stuff"...

SHE IS NOT OUT OF HER MIND...SHE IS FINALLY SCREAMING OUT LOUD...SHE GOT HER VOICE BACK AND SHE IS SUFFEREING IN HER MEMORIES...AND SHE WANTS HER DAD TO SUFFER TOO.

I wish he would record her "rants"....because I think they would help me to better understand her, and that it would clear up alot of confusion I have about memories...I do not think any of what she is now saying is false....she is not "out of her mind"...she is reaping the harvest that she has sown her whole life.  GUILT

GOOD, I HOPE SHE THINKS ABOUT HER, I HOPE SHE REMEMBERS EVERYTHING SHE DID TO HER, EVERY TIME SHE TURNED HER BACK ON THE ABUSE...I PRAY TO WHATEVER GOD THERE IS OUT THERE, THAT SHE FEELS GUILT, I WANT HER TO SUFFER EMOTIONALLY AND PYSCHOLOGICALLY, JUST LIKE SHE HAS SUFFERED ALL THESE FUCKING YEARS...I HATE HER.

if that makes me a bad daughter, then so be it.  I am glad she is so fucking miserable right now...GOOOD

s, SOPHEE


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