The List

 So I read an article that has 17 signs that someone has hidden trauma.

I met all 17 of those signs, sigh....but it is true, sad but true.  The one sign that screams at me all the time is "insecurity".  I am so fucking insecure, and I don't see that ever changing.

Another sign is lack of emotion.  When my mother had her stroke, I was like, "so what"...I could care less....she is my mother and I don't care if she lives or dies....how sad.

I don't like being the center of attention.

I try and be nice to everyone, a people pleaser.

and the list goes on and on....do I need therapy?  Probably, but therapy has never helped me...nothing has.

I doubt my friends, I doubt my advocate, I doubt their true feelings or intentions...and this is not substantiated, it is just me...for me, everyone has ulterior motives...

I have a very hard time with trust also....

My mind is always on overdrive...thinking, planning, working...my alters keep my mind on point and on guard all the fucking time...even when I am trying to sleep...so their "on point and on guard" affects my sleep.

I think I will always be an emotional retard.

S