Hits keep coming...

 So the hits keep coming....

Last night my X husband called...he said that my mother has had a stroke.

My dad found her in the hallway on the floor, her mouth was misshaped and she was staring straight ahead, unable to talk....he took her to the hospital.   Did they give her the "stroke" meds?

I don't know how to feel about this new situation.  I have mixed feelings...

I have an alter, Sammy, who does not speak, ever...why? because she had a hand held over her mouth and told if she speaks, her family will die...

The horror of that situation, wanting to talk, to scream, but can't.  Is my mother feeling that terror right now in her mind?  How does it feel mommy dearest?????

I was unable to go and be with my dad when he got so sick earlier this year, I was sick also and could not go....now, I am not sick....do I need to go back to OKC?  Does my dad need me?  I am so confused, conflicted and just plain fucked up right now....

I hate my mother, I love my mother....fuck

S