Panic attack

 PTSD:  Post traumatic Stress Disorder

"A disorder in which a person has difficulty recovering after experiencing or witnessing a terrifying event."  

"The condition may last months or years, with triggers that can bring back memories of the trauma accompanied by intense emotional and physical reactions."

DID is created by a child who is experiencing extreme trauma with no avenue of escape or help...the child is helpless...

People who have DID have PTSD, we have panic attacks, and it is real.  When a PTSD event is happening, in our brains it is happening NOW, the danger is NOW,  flight kicks in...your whole body changes, your heart rate goes nuclear,  your body starts shaking uncontrollably, your mind is racing a mile a minute,  you cannot think straight...it is a horrible horrible devastating time during the panic/PTSD occurrence.  You are in survival mode...

People looking in would think " lock her up, she is out of control"...and that is what happens, we are locked up, drugged, then let out...NEVER is our DID addressed...its "drug them"...

This is why Kevin did not call 911...he did not want me drugged and put in a place that I was NOT SAFE.  So he did what I needed:

He held me tight to him, he kept assuring me "you are safe, I am here, nothing is going to happen," over and over, until the episode calmed down.  I did not need to be drugged, I needed to be reassured that I was safe.  Then, he talked with the alters to let them know also, that they are safe....that right there...helped me.

But sadly, so many people with DID and PTSD and other disassociative disorders simply do not have a support system, someone who actually knows what is going on...so when an acute PTSD attack happens, those people are simply locked up and drugged...this is so sad.

Will I have other panic attacks?  Of course, this is the life of a person who has DID...triggers never go away...but with understanding of my alters, reassurance that we are all okay, the ability to communicate with them, and never giving up on us,  goes a long way in stabilizing our life.  I have that with my advocate, Kevin.

Today,  I am still recovering from that PTSD acute attack...I can still feel the fear deep down inside..I  feel like a china doll,  that I could break easily...I feel so vulnerable, still.  The paranoia is still there, it is less, but its still there.

S, Tessa