I don't want to be alone...

 I am so scared.  I do not want to be alone...

When I was married, my husband was never around, he was either working at his job, or traveling with his job..I was alone.  Which was fine, because I didn't want to be around him anyway, but if I had wanted to be around him, it would have never happened.  You see, his job is way too important to him, more important than his wife...He could never make the time for me....

I am so scared.  I do not want to be alone...

Now,  I have a person in my life that I love and want to be around and spend time with.  But, this person, like my husband, puts too much into his job.  He works so hard, he does everybody's job, he has to take care of two departments at the VA, he is continuously called out of his areas to take care of other peoples areas...He is literally working himself into an early grave.  All I ever hear is how lazy and horrible everyone is at the VA and he has to clean up all their messes...He seems to have made it his mission to keep the entire fucking hospital clean, up and running...So he works everyday for 8 hours doing the job of 3-4 people, because they refuse to do their jobs correctly.

I understand that he does what he does, not for the VA Hospital, but for the veterans.  I get that, they deserve a clean, comfortable, staffed hospital.  BUT WHY IS IT CONTINGENT ON KEVIN TO GET THAT DONE??

Three weeks in a row now, on Wednesday (which is his Saturday) he was so wiped out, so tired that he had to sleep his entire day off....that leaves only one day off for me....yesterday, he was so dizzy, he was extremely fatigued, he could not even think or talk straight or walk straight for that matter....WHY? because he thinks he is a super man.  He can do it all.....I was terrified yesterday, I half expected him to die of a stoke or heart attack...I was even going over CPR in my head.

He is a heavy smoker and his diet is fucking horrible....he has high cholesterol because of all the fast food and frozen foods he eats...and now he is working himself to death...literally...and I am going to be left all alone again....He refuses to believe he needs to slow down (he only gives me lip service about slowing down)..why can't he see he is in his 60's not 30's?  I frankly don't give a rats ass about that VA hospital.   It needs to be shut down, it is horrible to its patients, it is ran by people who don't give a shit, and the employees doesn't give a shit either...give me my government payday...fuck. 

And he is going to kill himself doing a job that "doesn't matter" because it is a dying effort...and what about my alters?  They have finally trusted someone, he has done so much for them, only to fucking die and leave them too???????????

I am so scared.  I don't want to be alone.

If he doesn't change his lifestyle and workstyle, he will be dead soon...there is only so much a body can take...I am so scared....

I don't want to be alone....

S, 7, Tessa