Sick sick sick

 I rarely get sick, sick in the normal way, like a cold, sinus infection, flu etc....I am usually pretty healthy.  Brain tumors and chronic stomach issues (brought on by multiple stomach surgeries) notwithstanding...but I rarely get sick like the average person does.

But 16 days ago, I developed a cough, I initially thought it might be a reaction to the Timothy Hay I bought for my pigs....but over the next couple of weeks the cough got worse and worse...

My advocate started coughing about two after me....he went on to the ER and was diagnosed Flu/bronchitis.  We have both had the flu shot.   Both of us tested negative for Covid.

But where he seemed to be getting better, I was getting worse, and worse....

I have pneumonia probably walking pneumonia as I only have a low grade fever, but I am coughing up so much brownish shit from my lungs...and to take a deep breath hurts like a belt is wrapped tight around my chest...

I have never been this sick for this long....it is all I can do to take Boomer out for him to pee....it exhausts me to even walk up and down one flight of stairs.

I am so irritable I can't even stand myself....everything is pissing me off and getting on my nerves...Kevin was here,  but I told him to leave...I cannot control my thoughts, or my tongue...I am so fucking miserable, and it is flat not fair to make anybody else miserable too.

I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't want to see anyone..I just want to be left alone in my misery....Nobody can do anything to help me feel better....I will just scream at them and that is not fair of me to take out my frustrations on somebody who is just trying to help me...

I started taking anti-biotics, and now the fucking diarrhea has started...keeping me up at night along with the coughing and hacking...I am down to 94 goddamn pounds...I have nothing to wear....to fucking skinny....

My family knows I am sick with pneumonia, yet not a fucking one of them has called to check on me....yet I am expected to check on them, my dad etc....well fuck that....if they can't or won't check on me, then they can go eat shit.

How much longer can this fucking sickness last???????

I cannot deal with being sick....none of my alters can deal with this, it is like being sick times 8.....we are all fucking miserable....I am the worlds worse patient and I flat refuse to go to the hospital....I would rather die first.

S