They took it all....

 Sometimes I feel like I live in an alternate universe.  I feel part of this world, yet not a part of it.

Everything I was taught about God and Jesus turned out to be a lie.  

Thinking my family, especially my mother, might love me, is laughable and not real, I live in an illusion that my kids love me, but they don't...

So much of the time, I wander around listlessly,  and my head can be in a fog....

I hate when I disassociate...time goes away from me, reality goes away for me and I am left with questions, frustrations, and fear...

I use to pretend I was someone else, a famous singer, or dancer, or heiress...to my friends growing up, I made up all kinds of lies about myself and my family...just to be accepted, to be interesting enough that others would want to be my friend....little lies, nothing big...the big lies where the "omission" of the truth of my life and my family...

I never told anyone about the abuse, about how my mother hated me, about my horrible first step father...I never had anyone over to my home because of the "home life"....it was devastating....and I never wanted anyone to see that....

I never had birthday parties as a child,(my first birthday party and only party was when I turned 9 and I was with my father in TX). I have never had a slumber party of my own...I never had a bunch of my little girl friends stay over for movies, food and fellowship, I could never do that because of my dad and my mother....

I want a slumber party...I want to be a little girl with a bunch of girlfriends having fun....I want to have a childhood.

I want to be a little kid with the only thing to worry about is toys and school...I was never a little kid...

I was robbed of developing normally, mentally and physically.  I was robbed of that little girl innocents.  I was robbed from being a little girl...My mind was robbed and replaced by 8 different personalities..they have all stolen a part of me.

Ally stole my childhood

Lilly stole my adolescents

Tessa steals my adulthood

Sophee stole my confidence

7 stole my heart

Kaos.......

Sammy stole my voice

And Sparrow?   

Sparrow stole my identity of Melissa....

So now, that they have all stolen parts of me, that leaves me with virtually nothing to call my own...My mind is not my own...

I have nothing left...they took it all.

Sparrow