The Interloper

 Interloper:  A person who becomes involved in a place or situation where they are not wanted or are considered to not belong.

I believe I am an interloper.   I have insinuated my life to others.  

I broke up my advocate and his girlfriend.   I came between them.  She certainly would agree that I was an "interloper" in their relationship.

I totally upended my advocates life.   I insinuated my life totally into his.  

I have a friend, actually she was Kevins friend first...she is kevin's old girlfriends friend.    I saw on her page where she was sharing a "friendsversary" on facebook with the old girlfriend.  They talked about being family and besties.....

How can I be friends with her when she is friends with the woman I came between....by me trying to be in her life, I am putting her in an awkward position...she has to balance being my friend (but she really doesn't) and still be friends with the other woman.  

She was friends with the other lady WAYYY before I came along...I have seen her comments on pics of Kevin and the other woman.  She loved Kevin and her being together.   Then I came along and BOOM..they are not together anymore....

THE INTERLOPER

I completely destroyed a relationship and a friendship as now she has to pick sides or be neutral she has to listen to stories about me and Kevin, all the while, knowing the stories of Kevin and the other lady.

NOT FAIR OF ME.....I CANNOT TAKE SOMEONE ELSE'S FRIEND...

Her first loyalty is Kevin and the other lady....I am secondary, I am the interloper.....

I realize now the situation I am placing on my friend...it can't be comfortable for her...what if she has coffee or visits with this other woman...she has to stay mum on Kevin and me, so as to not hurt the other woman...then when she is talking with me, she has to stay mum on the other woman....she is in an impossible situation.

But I can make her situation better.  I can back away.

and I will.

I am not friend material.  I have never been friend material and I never will be....

My birth was literally an "interloping"....I was not wanted, I was a interloper in my own family.  I know this.

My squatters are interlopers in my head.   They are not wanted or needed...they are nothing but a nuisance and an aggravation..

So today, this is my creed:

                You are not wanted in friendships, stay away

                 You don't belong in any jeep groups, stay away

                 You don't belong mingling with others in public, stay away

                 You are alone, stay that way.

I refuse to assert myself on anybody else.   I am retreating into my head...I will be silent....I will not "interlope" on anybody's relationships,  I will not do it anymore. 

I will be the direct opposite of "Interloper".  

S, 7, sophee