Squat-moochers

 What is a "Squatter"?

               "a person or persons who unlawfully occupies an uninhabited building or unused land."

This is what I call my alters, Squatters.   They are squatting in my brain without permission.  They are using my property to take over...

Maybe when I was a very small child, I gave them permission to be in my brain, to protect me against the abuse....but once the abuse was over, they were no longer welcome....but instead of them leaving, they went dormant, they hid from me....waiting....for the moment they can take over....

They quietly went to their rooms in my brain and regrouped.  They no longer needed to protect me, but they did not want to leave either, so now they are slowly taking me over...I am losing Sparrow...

They are  manipulating my advocate for their own identities.  

Ally, for example, has her own fucking room at his place...she has toys everywhere and a huge dollhouse that takes up space in my own bedroom....

7, now wants to learn how to write better, they want to learn time and dates, days of the week, etc...why?????????

Tessa, takes over my mind and does all the tasks, that I, Sparrow, should be doing...she has pushed me to the side, because she can do it better....

Sammy puts me to sleep so she can play her music really loud and dance and do her thing...

I am so fucking tired of sharing my brain, sharing my "home" to seven personalities that are not fucking welcome.  Not anymore.  They do nothing to "pay their way".....they take advantage of me and my Advocate...they  destroy what few friendships I have, they do their level best to keep me isolated so they can do what they want...

I hate the way they make me feel....I hate the thoughts they put in my head...I hate the things they do when I am "asleep"....I hate losing hours everyday,  I feel like I am their hostage.

They keep me tied up and gagged much of the time, they shut me up in a dark room, they put ear plugs in my ears and they cover my eyes...

I have been kidnapped by a bunch of squatters....so what is the ransom they are asking for?  No ransom, they are just cruel and enjoy fucking me up....

My advocate would disagree with me 100%...He thinks the alters are a good thing....that they saved me....maybe they did, back in the day...but I don't need them to save me anymore....I am no longer in an unsafe place, I am safe and secure...I don't need or want them...

I can't afford the massive amount of money that going to "therapy" and trying to "fuse" them all together...I am too fucking old to spend what few last years I have on earth going to therapy and trying to get rid of them...it's too late.

It is too late for me to have a normal life....it is too late for therapy, it is just too late.   I am stuck with squatters....I am stuck with them mooching my life away...I am forever a freak, a monster....

I just try to get through each day...I mark off days on my calendar...each day marked off, is one day closer to finally being rid of the squatters...one day closer to finally being rid of me...

Maybe I should call the alters "moochers" instead of "squatters"...or better yet "squat-moochers"...Yep, that's it.

One day, the squat-moochers will totally take over and I will be put to sleep forever...after all, isn't that what they are working towards??

Evicting me from my own mind?

S