falling down

 So last night I had the weirdest dream,  I dreamed that I kept falling down...

In one part of the dream I was walking across a stage and fell down, in my dream I was so embarrassed and horrified...I felt like I weighed 500 pounds when I was trying to get back on my feet...I was too heavy...

Then I was walking in a store, and again I fell down, again I couldn't get up and I was horrified that people were looking at me, yet no one tried to help me up...they just walked by me and stared....

The last I remember of my dream,  I remember looking at my legs and thinking "why can't I get up?"   I was so frustrated,  and in my dream I started to cry....

that is when I woke up.   

I don't know what that dream was all about, but I do know that lately I have been struggling with so many emotions,  I have been struggling with my identity...I have been struggling with guilt and shame....

Guilt over my thoughts, shame over my actions....Maybe the dream of falling down all the time, is just my brain falling down.

S, T