responsiblity

 So I have been reading more about DID.  And the consensus is that a person with DID should be held accountable for any acts done by an alternate personality.  This is what the brain docs say.  Even if the "host" has no memory of an event by the alter, the "host" is still responsible.   

So how do I hold myself accountable?  How do I hold myself accountable if Ally breaks something, or sophee attacks someone threatening me?  It seems unfair...but I understand.

I broke it, I attacked someone, I did all the chores, I danced in strip clubs, I did it all.   I am guilty.

Amnesia means nothing when it comes to DID....the public sees the "host" they don't see the alter, so, its the hosts fault.  

So, this is my new plan.  I have DID.  I am 100% responsible for everything I do, I say, I act whatever....I am responsible for my brain splitting, because of the coward the host is.

I will no longer wear "Tessa" ring.  If she fronts, I won't know and if I see something done, then I know I DID IT.   

Same with the toys and everything else, if Sammy turns on the lava lamp and music, then I DID IT.  No mystery......it was me the host.

The shrink community says DID is extremely rare and less than 1 % of the public has it.....I guess I am that rare 1% percent.  Figures, leave it to me, the host, to become something obscure and bizarre.  To become a monster that I cannot control...

So, since I am out of control, mentally, then I am 100% responsible for everything, everything.....

Having DID is absolutely no excuse for unacceptable behavior, no matter who is doing it.

It is unacceptable for a 60 yr old woman to play with toys....It is unacceptable for a 60 yr old woman to try and be "young"....vanity

So, call it denial, whatever.......but I, the host, is to blame for everything!

I did it.  I am to blame, and me alone....

s