Monday, August 1, 2022

mind...shut up!!

 OMG I am so fucking tired of being so mentally exhausted all the damn time.

My mind NEVER shuts off....my heart is always in turmoil.  Words come out of my mouth, I never mean to say...

My head thinks things that just aren't true in reality...because my alters do not live in reality.   They are stuck in their pasts....

That makes it fucking hard to live in reality.   That makes it damn near impossible to have a relationship or a friendship.  

Being alone in my apartment, just me and Boomer, is the best thing for me.  I am glad nobody comes to visit me,  because then I don't have to perform for them.  My alters don't have to pretend to be me...being alone lets all the chaos have a place.  I don't want anyone to see my chaos.  

If I let anyone into my life, I will surely destroy them, or upset them, or offend them....and they will leave.  That is what DID does, it destroys everything.

My childhood was destroyed, so I guess I am now getting even with the world by being the destroyer instead of the destroyee....

Go alters!  just know that by ya destroying my relationships, you are also destroying me, sparrow.

good for you.

S

I am only taking care of you, he will hurt you, just like everyone else, he told me he does not like being with you.-7

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