PTSD attack

 I keep having this horrible dream, a nightmare...it is about a trauma I experienced as a small child.  It is trauma that I have already worked through...I thought.

When I was a small girl in TX, before age 9 (but I don't know my age at the time) I was walking to the park to play on the swings (by a local cemetary) and I heard a dog, the dog was screaming in pain and agony...It scared me so much, I wanted to save that dog...so I ran to where I heard the screams, and saw a man with his dog...the cockeyed man had hung the dog up by his neck and was beating him...killing him...I stood and watched him beat that dog...I could do nothing...nothing...to save that dog....it was a horrible wrenching thing to witness...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------- So, I was writing that memory above, and had a really bad Panic Attack, a PTSD attack....

some memories are so horrific...this memory was Ally's, a little girl, a little girl who witnessed so much animal abuse, very traumatizing for a small child...

During the attack, in my head, in Ally's mind, this abuse is happening NOW!  It is real and in red....and horrific....

the attack fucked up my entire day...it leaves me exhausted and depressed.  My advocate had to come from work, to take care of Ally...to comfort her and reassure her everything is okay, that the horrible man is dead....

Having DID is the hardest thing to understand, and wrap my head around...I can imagine how hard it is for "singlets" to understand.

But DID is real...

S, Tessa