two things

 So two things:  

I got to help an elderly lady who had gotten into a car accident...I gave her first aide for her bleeding arm, and climbed into her smashed up SUV to retrieve her purse from the front floor board..I had to climb under airbags. around airbags to get to her purse....really glad I am a small person and a contortionist, because I had to twist my body into a fucking pretzel, to enter her smashed car....let me tell you, her SUV had every airbag known to man in that car...fuck.....

the other thing:

My mammogram found two round masses in my left breast.  I have very dense breast and have had call-backs for further testing before...but this time, I have to go back and get an ultrasound and another mammogram of the left breast.  I will find out after they do those two test what the results are, as the doctor will talk to me right then...

there is no breast cancer on my mothers side of the family, but I am still very nervous....I do not want to have cancer...if I do, I will not do chemo, I am too thin already and chemo would just kill me...so, I am trying to stay focused on the positive and hoping the universe will give me a "all good" after my testing...

My advocates chest scan showed his lungs to be good (he is a smoker), but it did show a cysts on his kidney....hmmmmmm, but it didn't sound like it was a big deal...we both have our yearly physicals in a month or so, and will talk more with the doctor about his test results and the cysts...

It really sucks getting older, even though in my head I feel young and vibrant, my body is in fact, old and breaking down...I hate that....

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A friend of mine, and my x husband, was killed in an automobile accident in Florida.  Our friend is Bart Bryant, a golf pro, he has beaten Tiger Woods, and has won many PGA champion tournaments.  He was 59 years old...two years earlier his wife died of brain cancer.  He remarried a woman whose husband had also died of cancer...now that woman, is a widow again....

The randomness of life is scary....you never fucking know, I don't care how great a christian you are, you are not immune from randomness. Barts dad was a baptist preacher, Bart was a strong christian, but his god and his jesus did not stop that guy from rear-ending his stopped car at 60 miles an hour.  God did not save his follower...just more proof that there is no loving and caring god...fuck...

His daughters had to say goodbye to their mother 2 yrs ago, and now they are saying goodbye to their father....sometimes life just sucks...I feel so sad for the entire family....

S, Tessa