ears ringing...

 Sometimes when I start to dissociate it is as if "I am watching myself on TV"  I see myself, what I am doing, but it is as if I am watching someone else...doesn't seem real or reality....Sometimes before I start to disassociate my ears will start ringing....followed by a lightness or "balloon head" type feeling...my hearing gets muddled and I feel like I am looking through thick glass...then NOTHING

The NOTHING is the total switch, from Sparrow to another alter...Sometimes the switch is almost immediate, depending on the trigger...but sometimes it takes minutes, hours, even days of feeling "unattached to reality" before the NOTHING...  

Often I am able to catch the "disassociative" feeling with my sensory box...I can stop it with smell, touch, coldness etc...But oftentimes I cannot stop it, and frankly, at times, I don't even try, because I know that I am going to go to "sleep" and not have to deal with whatever is triggering me.  It is a weird conundrum...

The downside of totally switching, is the "trigger" or "memory" does not go away...it is just pushed to the side for another time (repressed)...Ultimate procrastination...sigh

When my ears start to ring...I KNOW something is about to happen...the hollow ringing sound followed by feeling "far away"...It took me being diagnosed  with DID, to understand that the "ringing" of the ears, is actually a precursor to disassociation and switching.  Now, I am better able to understand the disassociation and can do something to stop it (hopefully, the sensory box, for example) or, I can just let myself "switch"....

There is another DID system out there, that when they start "yawning" means they are about to switch or disassociate.  All systems are different, yet the same....

So, all that to say....I am growing in my knowledge and understanding of my DID...somedays I am fine with it, other days "I hate it"...its a love/hate relationship inside my head!

S, Tessa, 7