Turning 60

 I can't fucking believe that in a few short days I will be fucking 60 years old....my life is almost over, and I don't have barely much time left to be happy...I have no kind of a legacy, nothing I am proud of except producing three kids, other than that, my life has been a useless waste of breath.  I have absolutely nothing to show for 60 years.  I am invisible and when I am gone, the world will not mourn my passing as I have given nothing to this world, except misery.

I have been cheated out of life...

I was cheated at birth, beat and humiliated, and abused until I was 9.

Sex trafficked at age 15 and 16.

Bounced back and forth between parents when they got tired of me...

Ignored and bullyied.

Married to a man I did not love...

Spent 34 years with a man I did not love, a man that we did not have a sexual relationship, except to make babies.

A man who put God, his job and his self ahead of all things...

Drugs, alcohol, therapy, hospitalizations, suicide attempts

multiple health issues and surgeries...

And I finally get the balls to leave my situation and move away and start over with a man that understands me, loves me, and wants to be with me, despite my DID, and I am turning 60.

I don't have many years left, and I am so angry that I will be dead soon without ever getting to live my life for me....maybe only a few short years, but overall, I will not live much longer.

My boyfriend and I only have a few years left together...at age 60 people start dropping like flies, heart attack, cancer whatever...so thinking I will live another 30 years is a fucking pipe dream...NOT GONNA HAPPEN

So, I do not want to be 60...I hate turning 60...I do not want to be reminded of my birthday...no cake, no card, no gifts, no phone calls...just leave me fucking alone...

Don't remind me that my life is over just as it is starting to begin....

54 years of unhappiness, filled with every abuse known to man...and I finally find happiness, only to realize I am a fucking old woman...too fucking old to enjoy life, to enjoy sex and youthful activities, to enjoy anything anymore...

I am now full of aches and pains and health issues that go hand in hand with being an old person....and I hate that....

I hate that I will only have happiness for a short while...

I don't want to be 60,  I want to be alive instead I am already dead.

S