this is sophee

 this is sophee...she is not sleeping because her brain won't shut up.  I cannot shut up her brain, I can shut her up physically, but that does not make her sleep.  her head screams and yells a mile a minute.  Its because of her brain that none of us sleep either...her brain is too active, it goes back and forth and over and under...she has collisions of thoughts she can't figure out, so she obsesses on them in her mind, and that spills over to us.  It makes me angry when she gets all "gonna kill myself: her getting over tired brings these thoughts to the surface, she starts thinking if she is dead, then she can finally sleep....NONONO

We don't want to die, so I have to fight her all the time...7 and Tessa do not keep her up at night, Ally sleeps too, Lilly never sleeps and I never sleep...don't know about the others what they do or don't do.

she keeps having a recurring dream that is fucking her up inside...she can't put her finger on the dream and she can't figure it out, so it leaves her confused and anxious and she cannot fall back to sleep.  I wish there was a way that we could all block her dreams, but we cannot, that is not what we do....

she is going to be all over the place today as she is determined to never try and sleep again...the frustration of not sleeping has finally made her snap...she is not going to sleep anymore...if she doesn't sleep then there is no frustration for not sleeping.

So, I will be waiting...she will be calling on me soon....

sophee