SLEEP...sleep is a normal part of the human existence. Every living thing has a sleep cycle, to rest and refuel the body and get it ready for a day of awakeness...
But what happens when one cannot sleep? What if one night I sleep, then the next night I am wide awake....can some people go multiple days without sleeping, is that normal...It seems anymore I sleep one night then up the next, then sleep, then up...I guess I am a sleep every other night kinda person...
the days I am not sleeping makes me feel so dethatched from reality...I feel I am walking in a hazy fog, I feel like I am in some sort of trance. In the world, but not of the world...
I feel I disassociate more often when I am physically not sleeping, when I am in a fucking daze it is so easy for my girls to front and do their thing...I am too lazy hazy in my head to fight them...
I want to be hypnotized to go to sleep. I want to see a hypnosis doctor and for him to hypnotize me to fall asleep when a certain word is said...He can tell Kevin the word, so when I am not able to fucking sleep, Kevin can camly say the "word" and I might go to sleep...a "sleep word", haha
I am seriously considering this....nothing else is working,I have tried everything, ear plugs, white noise (fan) new soft bed, plush sheets, soft pillows, black out curtains, melatonin pills, I have an audio book to listen to, I have a quiet apartment, there should be absolutely no fucking reason I am not sleeping...I can;t blame my not sleeping on anyone or anything..it is the fault of no one and nothing...It is all on me...I just fucking cannot sleep like a normal person. I have to beg for sleep, I have to damn near drug myself with sleeping pills, gabapentin, melatonin, sinus meds and even ibuprophen PM extra strength...and with all that, I may fall asleep for an hour or two hours tops, then I am fucking wide awake again....
Maybe my body just fucking doesn't need sleep...I am already a freakish monster with 8 alters, they dont sleep so why the fuck should I...
So, I have decided that I don't need sleep. I am just going to have to adjust my attitude and waking patterns to compensate for no more sleeping...evidently Sparrow doesn't need to sleep, just like the others don't feel the need to sleep...so sleeping is not needed. not when you have alters...So, I am not going to get ready for bed, I am not going to make my bed down anymore to sleep. I am just going to be the lady who does not sleep, ever....
But I can't help but think, that if I do not ever sleep again, I will in fact become a psychotic animal they may have to be put down permanently. So be it....If I can't sleep, then the depression will hit, then I will kill myself...it is only a matter of time..before I am put down...
wait for it...
s,7 sophee
No comments:
Post a Comment