So, I want to talk about DID and PTSD.
When an adult remembers something from the past, an adult can process the memory from an adult stand point, understanding that that happening was a long time ago...Yes, it may hurt, remembering the bad memory, but as an adult, a singlet, you can work through it and recognize that it was a long time ago and not happening now.
But with a person who has DID, a memory can, and often does trigger a full blown PTSD attack. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder....
In the moment that the "memory" is coming forward, I am reliving the ordeal as if it is happening in real time...as if I am still that little girl, I am not an adult remembering, I am an alter or a little girl...I am feeling the abject horror and pain of the memory....it is real, and in real time.....in my head....
I had another memory, that first started as a nightmare....and turns out, that nightmare was my alter "Sammy"s...the trauma was happening to her...because she does not speak....
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There was this little girl, she was very quiet and never spoke, at least he never heard her utter a word, maybe he thought she was actually a mute, but whatever, Sammy never talked...her silence ensured that her siblings would not be hurt...
She was in the backyard, and her neighbor, Mr. Marc (who also shared the backyard as the home was a duplex) he came back there and walked up to her....He would stare at her with those cock-eyed eyes of his, was he looking at her? or was he looking to the side? was so hard to tell...his eyes were very scary...
Started out that he would just talk softly to her, trying to gain her confidence, I guess, but then he would say "I need to go potty"....he would undo his pants and take his dick out and show it to her, then he would say, "make sure nobody sees me potty", and he would proceed to piss on the ground next to her....if she looked away, he would grab her head of hair and jerk her head down and force her to watch him piss on the ground.....when he was done....he would take her shirt or shorts or little dress and use it as toilet paper, to wipe the piss off his dick....then he would smirk, wink that funky eye, and put his finger to his lips as if to say "shhhhh".....then he would go back into his house.
This happened 4 or 5 times, I cannot remember for sure....When her mother would tell her to go outside and play...she was afraid too, as Mr Marc would see her out there...so she was afraid of being in the house with her mom and dad, and she was afraid to go outside because of Mr Marc. She lived in constant fear....
but she never spoke a word of the happenings to anyone, ever...she did not talk. Her silence saved her family.......
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This is what causes DID....relentless abuse and constant fear...and fucking NOBODY to turn too for help or comfort...abject loneliness....
I was not created by GOD, I was created by monsters.......
S, sammy, 7, Tessa
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I wanted to add an example to maybe help explain the "real" time feelings with a past memory...
If you have ever been stung by a bee, you know it is painful and irritating and all that...okay, so imagine you were stung as a small child...
then later as an adult, you remember being stung....NOW, there is no actual bee stinging you in your memory...but your brain the DID brain, remembers the sting, can feel the sting, can hear the bee buzzing, you are at that moment being stung...it is REAL, you feel the pain, your feel the irritations, your feel the fear, etc....IT IS REALLY HAPPENING TO YOU AGAIN...(even though it is not)...this is just a goofy example of a PTSD attack.
Tessa
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