How do I apologize?

 How do I apologize for things I have done, or I should say "they have done?  

For example, in Oklahoma we had a pool pump housing unit and I found cigarettes hidden, I accused my son and daughter of hiding them and smoking...of course they denied the cigarettes were theirs.  they got punished for lying...well, 7 has told my advocate that the cigarettes were 7s and Sophees..they smoke.  

so, now I know they were telling the truth...how do I apologize to them?  

also, while I was with my husband, I had multiple affairs...which he knows about...but it was not me!  it was Sophee and Sammy fooling around,  not me, Sparrow..how do I apologize for that???? My husband knew about one of the affairs and it caused so much heart ache for me, and him....How do I apologize to him for their behavior?  Was it my alters that caused our split??  fuck...

7 and sophee are revealing so much to my advocate...and now I am filled with guilt and sorrow.  

It is so hard to come to grip with the fact that I have DID, and the DID has affected not only me, but my family and friends...

Last night, I was on the phone to my son.  My advocate listened to me talking to him, and noted later, when Tessa was out talking to him (my son)...it seems that Tessa and I were both alternately talking with him...I remembered parts of our conversation,but other parts I had no ideal I said to him, because it was Tessa talking.  so basically, I ignored him...

How do I apologize for that?  I, or I should say, Tessa was more of their mother than me, Sparrow.  How do I apologize to them for not being their mother???

fuck....

S