Trying to climb out of the pit of depression is the hardest climb ever....I start climbing, getting a good grip, then my foot slips and I slide right back down...sometimes the slide is very slow, and some times the slide is very fast...but hitting the rock bottom hurts whether it is a slow descent or a fast descent. The carnage is the same...
The winter months are the hardest...the short days of light, the cold, the snow, the inactivity is the fucking worse for us depression sufferers.
So, why don't I get on anti-depressants? because they neutralize your emotions, they neutralize your body...yes, you are not as depressed..but no, you are not happy, your are not sad, you are nothing but a human body on drugs...going through the motions...
I will not just "go through the motions"...I want to run through the motions, I want to enjoy the motions, I want to feel life! Feel all the motions...
I will not go on anti-depressants, or any other mood or mind altering pill....been there done that, still tried to kill myself....fuck that shit.
My advocate has suggested anti-depressants, he is FOR it...of course he is, then I am more easily managed, my emotional level is a flat line...no activity, just a walking zombie...it would make his life much easier dealing with me, but it would kill me...I want to feel life, not just float through it....nobody will ever understand...
Do I enjoy depression????? FUCK NO....I hate it, but it passes and all I have to do is get through the bad days...because I know that "things and emotions blow up, then they blow over"....I will get better on my own, with no help from drugs...
I am not ANTI, antidepressants..they do help people and have their place...
but that place is not with me...EVER
S, T, 7
none of us want to be drugged....
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