So fuck....I am about to outed on facebook and to my family. I recently went back on facebook after leaving for about a year... I blocked all my family members because of the ridicule and embarrassment of my disorder. I am just fucking not ready for my family to know of my DID. One of my blocked cousins, saw my post on my cousins page (I only have one family member who is not blocked..she texted me and was like "huh"??
I vaguely explained to her about my mental condition and I was not ready to explain it to family until I am ready...
Will I ever be ready? Telling friends and strangers about my condition is one thing, but telling family is a whole nuther animal...my family is very christian and judgmental, plus I do not want to tell them the "why" I have DID....fuck
My advocate said when the time comes that I am ready to face the battle, that we will just refer them to the Youtube videos first...I will not talk to them until they have watched ALL the video's, because the videos will answer alot of questions they might have... and if they do have questions, comments, whatever, I will refer them to talk to my advocate first, before talking to me...
To say I am scared and nervous and apprehensive is an understatement. Frankly I would rather have to tell them I have cancer or something rather than DID...people respect cancer, they don't respect DID. Because it is such a complex bizarre condition...
Again, I am feeling naked and vulnerable...fuck...
S
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
her family do not know that they have talked with me....I have been around her family many times...I do not want her to tell them at all...I want her to be happy and her family hurts her heart...I could care less if they like me...but she is so wrapped up in that family mentality that it rips her heart to shreds...her sister hurt her, imagine what the others will do or say...I have to keep her heart safe...she is so sensitive and her feelings get hurt way to easy...and her family are the biggest persecutors she has.
7
No comments:
Post a Comment