UGH

 Some things will never change.  I have changed so much, my hair, my name, where I live etc...and I am so happy about it...I am free..flying like the little Sparrow I am...

But what hasn't changed is my inability to sleep in the same bed with someone or have someone sleep in the same room as me....

I am now starting to realize that, its not me, Sparrow, who is so hyper vigilant  when I am sleeping...it is the girls...don't know which one, but I think it is one of them that will not let me share a bed or room...I have been sleeping all alone for almost damn near 20 years.

That is how long I have been alone.  I am destined to sleep alone.  And that is going to have to be okay for me.   

However, I want so bad to be able to snuggle up against someone and sleep with them beside me....it will never happen.  And that falls on me, and my girls.

I just have to swallow the "sleep alone" pill, accept it, and move on.  

I am in a safe place now, my girls know that they are safe.  They like it here, they get to be themselves without fear of reprisal.  Everything is so good, except the sleep thing.  They just flat will not let me sleep with anyone.  WHY?  I wish I knew.

When someone is in the room with me, I am hyper sensitive to sounds, their breathing, their snoring, if they talk in their sleep, when they turn over...every little sound is magnified 1000 percent.   It makes me crazy!  seriously...bionic hearing is a curse.

So, I will never share my bed...or my bedroom...I will lock myself in my room, get my stuffies and hope for the best...the best being at least 6-7 hours of good sleep.  Evidently my girls do not feel that sleep is important.   UGH

S