fiesta dinner

 So, Tessa has been talking with some of my friends on the Sparrows House facebook page...That makes me happy that she feels she can be herself and talk with others, but at the same time it freaks me out....I am there, but I am not there...

What will happen if Tessa gets so comfortable with my friends, facebook and Kevin that she decides to be out more often...that will be less of me, Sparrow, and more of her...don't know how I feel about that...

7 is getting so comfortable that she basically fronts to have a fucking cigarette, then she leaves...I hate smoking..but Kevin buys her cigarettes and says it is important for me to let her smoke, to let Sophee smoke too...fuck

Tonight Kevin and I are going to a Fiesta dinner.  I am bringing spinach enchiladas, that Tessa made..)  this dinner is at a co-worker of Kevins home.  There will be people there that Kevin works with...and alot of them know about my DID and have watched the videos...so I am very nervous about being around people who know about me but I don't know them...Will they be waiting and watching for one of my girls to pop out?  Will they be staring at my ring?  Will they want to talk to me about the DID?  Kevin said he would not leave me alone at all, while we are there.  But he also said that if someone wants to talk about he DID, that it would be good for me to talk with them about what I know about it.   

I need to get more comfortable in my own skin...I need to be able to talk about my condition easily because one of these days I will have to talk with my family, so this is a training dinner!  Talking about DID on facebook, or making videos is one thing, actually being in a room full of people watching me is a whole nuther animal...

I hope it goes well...I am very very nervous and apprehensive.  But I do want to go to the dinner...I love going places and doing things and meeting new people.  These are Kevins friends, his co-workers and it is important for me, to behave.  I am a reflection of Kevin,  and I want to give a positive impression to his friends.

 I don't want them to see the girls...I want to be normal at this dinner.  No side show attraction...I hope the girls behave...

S