the little people

 I did not have any friends growing up.  Because of my home life, I kept all friendships away.  I did not want them to see what happened behind those closed doors.  So, to adapt to having "no friends" I would play with the fingers on my hands, the few toys I had or the rocks on the ground, sticks, whatever I found.  I also would play with my mind.  I would dream of being a princess running from a bad king.  Or that I was invisible and no one could see me...I pretended all the time.  For the longest time, I kept my playing to myself..but as I got a little older, I would start to talk about what I  dream about.  By the time I started voicing those imaginary friends from my dreams out loud,  my heart started believing them.

For example:  I believed this all the way up until I was around 9 yrs old:

   I believed that there were hundreds of tiny little people living inside my body. that they all had a specific function.  Some would catch the food with baskets as it cascaded down my throat when I ate, and others would bath or shower in the water I drank. More little people sat behind my eyes, directing my vision, and some would sit in my ears, listening...

such silly childish thoughts, innocent play, imaginary play.  Fun.

Another silly thing I thought, until I was 10ish, was that all dogs were boys, and all cats were girls.  I truly believed this.  Crazy huh?? haha

After I was 9, I started having real friends, all the other little kids (which were all boys) in the neighborhood, and the silly illusions became just that, silly illusions.

Fast forward 50 yrs.  

The little people inside my body?  Are now, in reality, alters.  Alternate personalities each with a specific duty or job to do....wow....my alters were created when I was very young, 4-7 age range..and my child mind likened them to imaginary playmates...

That almost sounds schizophrenic except that, none of those imaginary playmates ever spoke to me, I never spoke to them, I never heard them...they were just there when I needed them to distract me.

My alters started presenting as soon as they were born...just in a way for a child to handle and deal with.  because they were children too...

I am not sure why I felt compelled to write about this and draw the distinction. But it just struck me out of the blue, so I wanted to jot it down.

Sparrow