I am slowly starting to climb out of this fucking depression cave....Taking Boomer to the lake and watching him Zoom around, does wonders for my head. Boomer is so happy to be home, and so am I.
I talked with my x husband on the phone yesterday and told him I would not be coming back to Oklahoma and why. He understands and really only wants the best for me.
Its sad that my head (all my girls) are so against my family and traveling. Where I forget wrongs done to me, they do not forget, EVER. They see and remember what I cannot, so they look after me in a way that I am not even aware of.
They can see past sentiment, love, forgiveness, whatever...my heart, does not affect them, they are straight to the point, and will do what is necessary to keep my head above water. Period.
My girls see bullshit, likes, and they see my heart being jerked around so much by my family...they see me "wanting" a relationship with my family, but they also know my family and they know I will never get, have or obtain any real familial love or sense of family with them...
I am not sure when or even if our Youtube Videos will continue, the only thing I am sure of, is this....having alters is a fucking freak show. Imagine someone else having control over your body and mind...now imagine that person is you!!!!! fuck
S
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