probably not

 So yesterday, I decided to give my Advocate a break from me/us.  The trip was a disaster, and the days following the trip  have been disasters too...and it is all because of me....I am that disaster.

Because of my alters, my head and emotions or non-emotions are all over the fucking place.  I am exhausting to fucking be around....so I decided to have a me day...so I got dressed and went to Schooners (to have dinner and a beer)...The place was mostly empty except for the regulars....I went in, ordered my meal, then went outside to wait on it.  I had no sooner sat down than some man comes up and starts talking to me.  His name was Robin, and he thought it was "kismit" that my same was sparrow.  Now he is following me back into the bar,  and sits down right beside me...because, hey, we are "birds of a feather" according to him.  He was loud, gross and drunk....he dominated any conversation I was trying to have either with the bartender or the owner of Schooners...He kept wanting to "toast" and clink our bottles together, because we were both "birds"...I wanted to punch him in the face.....I finally had enough and didn't even finish my 2 beer, because I just wanted to get the fuck away from this "full of himself" male....

I can never go anywhere to be alone.  A woman drinking alone in a bar, obviously means she wants company and to fuck all the guys there.....NOT...It amazes me how much guys think their dicks are the biggest and the baddest...He was nothing but pathetic to me.

So I came home, and stared at the walls....there is literally no where I can go, and nothing to do...I enjoy hiking with boomer, but sometimes I want to be around people, to feel like I am an actual part of the human race....but every time I go anyplace alone, men think they have to hit on me...sooooooooooooo aggravating.

John would say its because I am not wearing a bra, so that obviously means...no bra, fuck me......shit.  Because we all know clothing is what gets men all consumed with their dicks.

I went to bed around 8 ish pm.....had horrible dreams all night...not memory bad dreams, but dreams that were frustrating and I slept terrible, fitful.

I so wish I had a female friend to hang out with, do girl stuff...I am so tired of being alone...my advocate is my friend, but he is a he.  One of the biggest frustrations for me is that women just flat don't like me...they give lip service, yea lets hang out...but it never happens...I am so gross, ugly, disgusting, and my head contains 7 monsters,,,I mean really...would I even want to hang out with somebody like me?"  

HMMMMMMM, probably not....

S