trip and stuff

 So, we are getting ready to head to Oklahoma and NM for a vacation.  My advocate is bringing his young son with us, so he can meet his sister and cousins...I will get to see my kids and grandkids, which I am excited about....However....

I am terrified of seeing my dad...(what if he brings my mom with him?)  I do not want to see my mother at all....

My son, sent me an email asking me to watch a video "How sin enters your life in these 4 ways.."  REALLY????  I am pagan....he knows that...so I am also nervous to see him...he has been judgmental and very rude to me ever since I left Oklahoma.he does not treat me as his "mom"....really he never has...

So getting his email really fucked me up...I will not walk into any fucking "christian intervention"...if it happens, I will leave and NEVER go back to Oklahoma.....

Christians are so fucking "high and mighty" they think their shit don't stink...well let me tell you one thing..."CHRISTIANS SHIT STINKS WORSE THAN ANY NON-CHRISTIAN AROUND..."

My advocate and I met with my doctor and he prescribed me some Xanax to take while on the trip...to keep me from freaking out...I hope it works....

on another note....I have had to stop feeding the raccoons...it started as one and now there are 4 or 5 coming, and they are not afraid of humans...they will walk right up to us now...fine for me as I have actually had the rabies vaccine, but my neighbor below me was trapped on his porch by 3 raccoons that would not leave....fuck...so no more feeding the raccoons...that makes me sad, but at the same time, if my neighbors are starting to complain, I need to listen....we have rocks on the lids of our trash cans, so I hope they cannot get into those....

Also, before our trip, my advocate is going to put my last two rats down.  They both have horribly large tumors and a trip would be "detrimental" to their health.  So, that is happening even maybe tonight...I know that it is the best thing for them, but I fucking hate when animals get sick....sigh...I know that putting the rats down will be very hard for Ally (my little) as she loves them and loves animals...I dread what her being upset will do to me...fuck...

S