Disaster trip

 So we just got home from a 4500 mile car trip.  And it was a fucking  nightmare.  There were only a few times we actually had a good time,  very few.  My advocate and his son had all the good times mostly.  He took  him to see his family, to white sands, etc...I am hoping that his kid had a good time...but...

His kid saw 7, Sophee, fucking all of them....7 yelled at him, and he saw what kind of a monster I really am....I cannot do being in a car that long....it is so fucking hard, I try and talk to my advocate but he doesn't hear me, or he is listening to his ear fob for directions or whatever...so he  cannot be talked to while he is driving....he drove the whole way.

Evidently he did not trust my driving as I asked a couple times and he said "nope".  Driving would have helped my mental state....but sitting in a goddamn car,  is too much.  

I saw my kids on one day.   And that was nice, even Cory hugged me and apologized.  

But the rest of the trip was for my advocate and his son.  I was just the third wheel...I hated Alamogordo, I hated all that fucking driving.  

Here is a question:  If you are talking to someone, and they do not answer or even acknowledge that you spoke, then we you call them out "did you hear me?" and they say "I hear you"...is it wrong of me to feel like I am being ignored?????  Is it wrong of me to want some type of indication that the person I am talking too is listening???

Every time I tried to talk to my advocate while he was driving, all I got was crickets...then when I said anything like "are you listening, or did you hear me?"  He got mad at me....this happened over and over to the point that I snapped and that is when that ugly bitch 7 took over....in front of his kid.

And........I am not allowed to offer any parental guidance or suggestions about his son.  We got into a huge confrontation just over my pointing out that his son should be in swimming.  Then I tried to give his son "healthy" food over fucking junk (because his son is very overweight for a 9 yr old) and guess what??? pop, fast food, candy and junk was what his son ate, despite me buying him more healthy foods....I did get that kid to drink apple juice.  His mother has him on medication for constipation...but that is because she feeds him and herself junk....junk leads to constipation.  I told him to start drinking apple juice, he did, and he did not have that problem.  BUT I DON'T KNOW SHIT ABOUT SHIT.....I HAVE NEVER RAISED KIDS BEFORE, SO WHAT THE FUCK DO I KNOW.

before the trip I bought his son books to read.  I bought him a trophy with $10 inside, that he could have if he read all those books.....the books were very easy for him to read, childrens books....I thought him reading books would help in the long car ride....but again, I was not supported at all...he did not want to read, and his dad did not encourage it at all.  His son was content to play video games on his little tablet.  READING, I GUESS IS NOT A REQUIREMENT FOR KIDS ANYMORE.  He is going into the 4rth grade, but barely can read.....whatever.  So, I threw out the trophy and kept the money.  Again, I am not his mom so any suggestions I have are shit for brains....I will NEVER do anything to try and HELP his son....I am useless, stupid and not his parent.  My suggestions are shit.

This I do know.  I am not his mother, not his step mother, not anything and I will no longer suggest ANY DAMN THING that has to do with him.  If my advocate and his sons mother don't give a shit about his obesity (he weighs what I weigh and I am 60) and don't give a fuck what he watches on TV, or what he puts in his mouth, then neither should I.  Let him grow up to be a big fat couch potato...I don't have to pay his medical bills for juvenile diabetes which he is already on the fast track of getting (if he doesn't have it already)...but my advocate has too...and I guess he has money to burn and throw away.....

I have decided that whenever my advocate has his son, I will not be involved.  He can spend the couple of days with him then take him back.  I do not want to be a part of that at all.....I can't stand how spoiled that kid is, and how fat he is...and what I can't stand the most WHY THEY CONTINUE TO LET THAT KID KILL HIMSELF...which is what is happening with his weight.

I am also done with traveling.  I will not ever drive back to Oklahoma...you know highways go both ways....if my family can't find the time to come see me...then they can fuck themselves.  I am alone, as I should be.

So for me, 4500 miles was nothing but prison.  In alamo, I got to meet some friends from face book, and that was nice.  I enjoyed seeing and visiting with them...but once we left them...the rest of the stay was a nightmare.   I believe the girls had more of a vacation than I did.  I was completely alone....

Then I finally get home and check my mailbox.  It was full of mail.  I had stopped my mail to resume or be picked up on Aug. 1...we got home July 29 and my mailbox was full....

GODDAMN FUCKING POSTAL SERVICE, THEY WILL BE H EARING FROM ME.

This whole trip was a clusterfuck from beginning to end....

I don't even fucking know how to sign this entry....

All of us.