Bye critters

 So, Peppers and Peaches have gone on....My advocate put them humanly down a couple of nights ago.  They both had extremely large tumors and I felt could not make the trip...so, they are now with Punkin and Happy resting on the side of the apartment.

My advocate came over during his lunch break to "call out Ally" and tell her her pets were gone.....

He told me this:

When he told her they were so sick, and now they are resting with Peaches and Happy.  He said that she jumped up off the couch, and went over to the cage and lifted the cover...she did not know they were gone....then she tried to assure him that she did not hurt them ever, she didn't drop them...and then was wondering if "the puppy" (Boomer) was sick too....It was very hard for him to tell her about her pets....just like trying to tell any small child that their pet has died....

Later, after work, we got the kayaks and went to the cove, to relax.  Ally did not come out at the cove (which ordinarily she would have, but I am thinking she is still upset), but Tessa did.  Tessa enjoys floating on the lake...

I dismantled the rats cage, cleaned and washed everything and will be putting it away.  I do not know if I will get any more rats...will have to see how it goes after we get back from our trip.  I do know one thing, Ally loved those rats!

Also, we have had to stop feeding the raccoons here at my apartment...they were getting to be too many of them, and they were becoming too tame and trusting, and wayyyyy to friendly for wild animals....and I am pretty sure I am the only person in my building who has had the rabies vaccination!!

I am trying to be excited for this trip....but really all I feel is a sense of dread...sad, huh?  I really hope I am able to "behave" and that the girls will "behave" too....

I feel like I am starting to distance myself, emotionally, from people.  Including my advocate...maybe this is just the girls way of preparing me to see my family,  they are taking my fears, cautions, loves, etc and putting them away...in a suitcase and leaving that suitcase here....that way my feelings, and all that shit will be here in VA and I won't have to fucking deal with them there, in OKC and NM.

I like to think I am all brave, but really I am nothing but a fucking coward...the girls know it and I know it....

S, T