Food sucks

 Is there not one part of my fucking body that works correctly???  We all know that my head is fucked up...alters, tumors, garbage...

My stomach is fucked up, too many surgeries and now I can't eat a fucking thing without my liver going into spasms or my blood sugar going through the goddamn roof...

I have changed my diet 1000% from what a normal diet is, yet EVERY GODDAMN THING I PUT IN MY MOUTH MY STUPID ASS FUCKING WORTHLESS BODY REJECTS...AND I GET SICK AS A FUCKING DOG....

Eating is a nightmare for me.  I dread dinner dates, especially when we are going to dinner with other couples or people...because I KNOW THAT IF I EAT A GODDAMN THING I WILL GET SICK AND BE FUCKING MISERABLE THE WHOLE BLOODY TIME.

WHERE NORMAL PEOPLE LOVE TO EAT OUT, LOOK FORWARD TO EATING, POST FOOD MEME'S ON FACEBOOK, LIVE TO EAT...I ON THE OTHER HAND...BARELY EAT TO SURVIVE.

Whats worse is that I never know when my stomach is going to get upset...the other night in the middle of the night, I woke up having to throw up...only I CANNOT THROW UP...SO I JUST CHOKED AND GAGGED ALL FUCKING NIGHT LONG....

WHAT PISSES ME OFF THE WORSE, WHEN I COMPLAIN ABOUT THIS TO OTHERS THEY JUST LOOK AT ME LIKE I AM STUPID AND THEY SAY "WELL I WISH I HAD THAT PROBLEM..."

NO YOU FUCKING DON'T....

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO GET SICK EVERYTIME YOU PUT FOOD IN YOUR MOUTH?

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR INSULIN LEVELS TO SHOOT THROUGH THE ROOF ONLY TO CRASH INTO DANGEROUS LOWS 30 MINUTES LATER...

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO EAT THE SAME FUCKING FOOD DAY IN AND DAY OUT, BECAUSE THERE IS PRECIOUS LITTLE I CAN EAT AND NOT BE SICK...

EATING IN RESTARAUNTS ARE THE WORST....ALL RESTERAUNT FOOD MAKES ME ILL...SICKER THAN A DOG...SO I AM A FUCKING WASTE OF MONEY ON A DINNER DATE...I CANNOT ENJOY ANY FOODS BECAUSE I KNOW THEY ARE GOING TO MAKE ME SICK.

I CANNOT EAT MEAT...my stomach does not digest meat

I cannot eat pasta, breads, potatoes (white foods) and foods high in carbs because they freak out my insulin levels...

I cannot eat ice cream, or drink milk as milk products give me diarrhea.

I absolutely cannot have any desserts, pops, candy, or anything full of sugar...again, makes my sugar levels shoot through the roof only to crash and burn....

YOU WANNA KNOW WHY MY STOMACH IS SO FUCKING BAD???

Because of my mother, and my step dad and my whole fucking life, I have lived in extreme stress...I had ulcers as a small child, a teenager and adult, my stomach has been so fucked up that I have had to have surgery after surgery...

This would not have happened had I not had such a fucking lousy horrible childhood...the stress I had as a small child, tore up my stomach and is directly to blame for the pathetic state of my digestive system today...

So even though my life is not "stressful",  I am still fucked and will always be fucked, never to be whole or healthy.  I cannot heal myself...my head is all fucked up and my body is fucked up as well...

this is the list of what I can eat:

eggs

fresh vegetables

Firehouse vegie sub

cottage cheese

quinoa bread

popsicles

THATS IT.  IF I EAT ANYTHING ELSE, THEN I CAN EXPECT MY LIVER TO FUCKING PUMP MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF BILE INTO MY STOMACH, WHICH IN TURN WILL CAUSE SEVERE CRAMPING AND HORRIBLE DIARRHEA...

I CAN EXPECT MY INSULIN LEVELS TO SHOOT STRAIGHT UP OVER 200(I GET HORRIBLY SLEEPY WHEN ITS HIGH) THEN CRASH WITHIN 45 MINUTES TO EXTREME LOWS UNDER 40..WHICH MAKES ME SWEAT, SHAKE, AND PANIC

THEN OF COURSE, THERE IS THE FUCKING CHRONIC NAUSEA...

AND ALL OF THAT IS BELOW THE NECK, FROM THE NECK UP MY HEAD IS AS FUCKED AS MY STOMACH AND BODY....

THERE IS NOT ANYTHING ABOUT ME OR MY BODY THAT IS NORMAL. I TRULY AM A FREAK...CAN'T EAT, CAN'T THINK FOR MYSELF, CAN'T CONTROL MY ALTERS, JUST A STUPID ASS FUCK LOSER...

SO, all you people out there who can actually eat and enjoy food...YOU ARE SO LUCKY, I AM JEALOUS AND I HATE YOU!!!!

S.