Triggers

 What is a trigger?  Are there good triggers, or only bad?  Have you ever been listening to the radio and hear a song, and you have a memory (whether good or bad), that memory was "triggered" by the specific song.

Smells, colors, animals, noise, people...triggers are influenced by specific memories you may have connected with an event or thing....people who live with DID, have so many triggers to deal with.  Anything can trigger an alter to front...

some of my triggers are:

Music

smells

airplanes

animals

TV shows....etc...

Music:  my Sammy is a dancer, she loves music and certain songs of a certain time (Crosby Stills Nash and YOung) can bring her out.  The music triggers are not bad triggers, as Sammy seems to be happy and content dancing...But "someone placing their hand over my mouth" even in a playful way, can and will trigger negative memories with Sammy...

Smells:  smells are a powerful memory agent....cologne, body odor, food,and even the smell of a bus station...trigger powerful memories for me, mostly bad and if I dwell too much on that memory...out pops an Alter to clean up the emotional mess....

Airplanes:  a low flying aircraft,  the loud start up engine,  the whining of the engine..all trigger a horrific memory for me, and Lilly will come out very quickly....a loud explosion or "bang" will also trigger Lilly...

Animals:  animals are a good thing...but in my case, they can be bad triggers also.  I cannot hold or be around a rabbit or bunny...Horses are triggers, a horse will always trigger Ally to come out and play..

TV Shows:  Romper Room, Get Smart, Captain Kangaroo and other older shows can also be triggers....those shows were on television during my early childhood and instead of being warm fuzzy shows for children, they "trigger" horrible memories of my childhood..

When a "thing, or event or whatever" triggers a memory, it can immediately be a good thing or bad...If its a "negative event trigger" an alter will front and I will "go to sleep", as the alters say.  And when it is "safe" for Sparrow to refront, then I will.  But I will have no memory as to why an alter fronted or that one even fronted at all...

There is a space between a memory and reality...the "zone zone" ..Something may trigger a memory in my head, but I don't know yet...I will start to feel like I am retreating into myself...I get the sensation of being in the room, but not there at all...I feel intense fog in my brain...I feel like my feet aren't really touching the ground and "reality" seems to be seen through thick glass...voices become muffled....One of two things may happen from this trigger event:  If I don't get to my sensory box and try and redirect the trigger or how I am feeling, then an alter may fully come out....but, if I can get my head cleared somewhat quickly, then the alter will fade back and reality will be present again...

Other times, the transition from me to an alter is lightening quick...but often its a slow gradual overtaking with the alter almost "sneaking out"...that slow gradual overtaking is called "dissociation". I am distancing myself from the reality of the moment...

There are only two alters that cause the most grief to me when they are fronting:

Lilly and Kaos.   Lilly brings the thunderclap headaches, and Kaos only relives the horrible fucking event that spawned her...

Triggers are not specifically DID.  Everyone has triggers, both good and bad.  But where a DID persons triggers can be very bad and detrimental and cause "dissociation" makes DID triggers harder to deal with, verses a "normal" person remembering but staying in reality and dealing with the memory.

Sometimes a trigger may happen, and a new memory is revealed.  That memory may be a good one, but most times its a horrible memory that was repressed and put away by an alter, so that Sparrow, does not have to deal with it.  I believe the Alters release their memories to me, when they feel I can handle them...and they know that I now have an advocate that they trust to help me with the memories.

I have been around people who hear a song and say "wow, that brings back memories, or I remember when", that is a TRIGGER.  the song, triggered the memory.

And when the trigger happens, I can either deal with it, or I can pull another "trigger"...

I choose to deal with the trigger/memories today.

S